Rennfaire Is Icumen In

Meantime, it would appear that I am on the hook to chaperone my offspring and their peers at The Tennessee Renaissance Festival this weekend.

I’m not going to make snarky jokes about it because :

a) because I’ve never been to a renfaire before

b)I feel my nerducation is incomplete until I’ve been to one, and

c) it’s the perfect opportunity for my 10-year-old daughter to wear this awesome set of faerie wings I bought her a couple of years ago at Bonnaroo. (Though because they’re modelled more on a dragonfly’s twin set of wings, I wonder if they’re more pixie than faerie).

So I’m sort of feeling my way through the dos and don’ts of attendance.

For example, I figure that the rennfaire is as good as any place to wear my Ultilikilt.  (Incidentally, I’m happy to report that Griffin is a kilt-friendly workplace).  And my tall orange Beer socks are always a good bet.

And while the presence of the kids will put a considerable crimp in my ribaldry, I can be pretty sure that both large steins of lager AND enormous roast turkey legs will be available for any of us who decide we want to get our Henry VIII on.

But there are still some unanswered questions that give me pause:

1) Is it polite to take pictures of people in costume?

2) Is it fair to assume that the wild popularity of HBO’s epic pulpfest “Game of Thrones” will result in larger crowds?

3) Will said crowds be disappointed at the jousting demonstrations when razor-sharp wood shards don’t pierce the throat of the gallant, but ultimately foolhardy hedge knight Sir Hugh?

4) Next-to-last G.O.T.-related question:  Would the rennfaire be a good place to purchase a pair of greaves? Or sabatons?

Game of Thrones Season One?  Free?  I’d like that much and more!

5) Last G.O.T.-related question: Are you interested in getting the entire 1st season of Game of Thrones in HD?  Because we’re giving it away.  For free. As in zero dragons.

How?  Easy.  Just add us to a Circle on your Google + page.  That’s all.  We’ll draw one name every day from all of the Adds we get over on our Google+ page next week (May 14th – May 18th) and gift you Game of Thrones: Season One in HD from the iTunes store.

So hie thee hence to the Google whilst I and my smallfolk betake ourselves to bend the knee at Castle Gwynne in Triune, Tennessee this weekend.  (I hope the glue in my direwolf hat is dry by then.)

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They call 1969 “The Year Everything Changed.”

That was the year that 500 million people watched Neil Armstrong leave the first human footprints on the moon. Rupert Murdoch bought his first newspaper. An oil spill led to the first Earth Day (held the following year), and a river caught fire in Ohio, sparking the creation of the EPA. A guy named Muammar Gaddafi became dictator in Libya. The first ATM machine was installed. The first episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You was broadcast, as was the first episode of Monty Python. And the first message was sent over the ARPANET (which would develop into what we started calling the Internet in 1982).

Elvis Presley stepped into a studio in Memphis and recorded what would prove to be his comeback album. The New York State Thruway was brought to a standstill near Bethel, New York, by an event called “Woodstock”. Led Zeppelin released their first album, and the Beatles played their last gig (on the roof of Apple headquarters; it was broken up by the police).

“I hope you didn’t pay for that”
I was a freshman in college. I had a buddy who was known for his skill at the “five-finger discount.” One day he showed up at my door with an album tucked under his arm. The cover was disgusting. I took one look at it and said, “I hope you didn’t pay for that.”

The album was Uncle Meat, by the Mothers of Invention. I’d heard of Frank Zappa, but I thought of him only as “that guy who did the Sgt. Pepper’s parody” album cover. I did not think highly of him for it.

Grudgingly, I gave the thing a listen. It was a double album: two discs (4 sides) of incomprehensibility. But, as the cover explained, it was supposed to be a soundtrack album for a movie that would never be made… so, well, okay, maybe that explained the long stretches of industrial noise. A few of the tracks were actually songs, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. The guitar playing was not bad in a few places.

In the style of classical composition, some of the tracks were “variations” of musical themes established in previous tracks. Well, okay, Zappa obviously takes the music seriously. He also made a point of explaining in the liner notes that the music was assembled by blending recordings of live performances with studio tracks, sometimes within the same song.

The Uncle Meat Variations
The 2-minute opening track of the album was expanded on Side 2 (this was when albums came on vinyl discs and had “sides”) into a 4:46 track, The Uncle Meat Variations. It’s worth describing in detail:

The first 55 seconds are a slowed-down deconstruction of the melody, played on woodwinds and what sounds like a harpsichord (one can never be quite sure of the instruments on this album), backed with a simple tom-tom beat. Then the theme from the eponymous title track emerges. The keyboards pick up the melody. At 1:23, the ensemble starts a new variation and xylophones are added. 30 seconds later, the theme is stated again, with a bass clarinet (or possibly a bassoon) in the foreground, playing a contrapuntal melody.

At 2:48, suddenly falsetto voices come in, singing, at first, la-la-la nonsense syllables. The voices have been altered, sped up. One of them is an operatic soprano, singing a vocal line that can only be described as “acrobatic”. The voices start singing excitedly about fuzzy dice and bongos (items that had been mentioned on Side 1) and brodie knobs and about how these things were available at the Pep Boys, winding up with a happy little laugh at about 3:15. Then keyboards state the theme once more, as the other instruments fall away. A sort of expectant vacuum is created.

Then magic happens
A flourish announces a key change, and a live performance is seamlessly spliced in: three long, thin, bent guitar chords flail in; and on the 4th, the stage ensemble tumbles into a guitar solo, with the band playing a line of descending chords behind it. The descending chords unexpectedly reverse direction and begin ascending, matching the chills that have begun climbing up your spine. Because you realize they are not playing a simple repeated chord progression; somehow, it’s a chordal support of the melodies in the guitar solo. The solo is nothing like most guitar solos of the period. Instead of wailing high notes, the man’s fingers are all over the fretboard, high and low notes bending and twanging in unpredictable directions, all held together by what is unmistakeably an improvised melody, a tour de force of the entire range of the fretboard. An electronic organ, twisted and warped by a slow tremolo, lays down an insistent train of block chords, with sustained bass notes and straight-ahead bashing on the drums finally closing down the track underneath 20 seconds of an overdubbed acoustic guitar lick. This live solo is only the last 60 seconds of a 4 minute and 46-second song, on a double-disc album. But it was 60 seconds that changed my life.

Home to my Mothers
Those 60 seconds caused me to reconsider the whole album. What I had dismissed as a “comedy” album, I had to admit was serious music. The lyrics were often very personal, about nonsensical things like pancakes (“khaki maple buckwheats”) and teenage activities like cruising for burgers. But they were all tied together by musical composition. It didn’t matter that some of the songs made you laugh out loud; it was all part of a logical and meticulously-constructed whole.

Reconsidering that album caused me to go back and relisten to other Frank Zappa albums. What I found opened the doors to whole new musical genres. Though it didn’t all happen immediately, listening to those 60 seconds of The Uncle Meat Variations started a process that percolated through my entire experience, down to the present day, 42 years later.

Now, even the album cover makes sense.

So, where do I get this marvelous music, you ask? And well you might ask. Don’t look for it in iTunes. With a few exceptions, Zappa’s entire musical legacy is handled by the Zappa Family Trust. Your best bet is to Google for it. Amazon it. If given a choice between the original vinyl and the later reissue, even though the remix was done by Zappa himself, take the vinyl. No, seriously and no fooling, people. The vinyl mix is better. Way better.

Oh… Zappa did eventually make the movie. Sort of.

Aaron Bendich
Andrea Ayestaran
Angela Cook
Angela Ilich
Avida Jackson
Benjamin DeFanti
Brian Nowak
Brian O’Hare
Chris Griswold
Christopher Passage
Daniel Rutkowski
David Powenski
Deanna Hong
Donald Harvill
Eva Kiser
Evan Shields
Freddie Fernandez
Greg Fulleman
Haleigh Missildine
Jay Yake
Jeff Skurkis
Jeffrey Koppes
Jenna Noonan
Jennifer Russell
Jeremy Hils
Joseph Scharenbroch
Kaitlin Tucker
Keith Lee
Kristen Kormann
Lisa Arnold
Lisa Sumner
Lisa Young
Lori Hamlin
Marijane Williams
Mark Stiller
Mark Yanes
Matt Wallach
Matthew Gerber
Michael Ridings
Mickey Davis
Mike Packard
Mike Short
Misty McElroy
Molly Winner
Nathan Stevens
Norman Umberger
Robin Childress
Sandra Nordland
Shawn McMaster
Steve Jacobs
Stormy Gleason
Terence Ho
Tripp Rogers
Tyler Waite
Vasha Hunt
Vic Ressy
Virginia Dorrell
Wendy Garrison

So right about now, some of you may be all like “But Griffintech, there are MORE than 45 names on this list!”

That’s because we had a Super-Secret Extra Bonus 2nd Chance Bonus Drawing and drew 35 additional names (for a total of 80.) So IF you received an email from us and your name is NOT on this list, it means we haven’t received your shipping info. Please resend it these two addresses to make sure the Spamolater isn’t catching them: social@griffintechnology.com and webw@griffintechnology.com.

Thanks for playing and keep an eye on Facebook for our next giveaway.

During an incredibly humid summer day a few years back, I walked into Grimey’s with no real goal, no motive, just to browse. When I opened the front door, I felt that immediate rush of cold air from the AC unit. After a healthy 20 minutes of flipping through the racks of CDs and not paying any attention to the music the staff had picked, a new track starts and this song, no, this chainsaw of raw vocals and slapback delay stole my attention. Track 9, “Love U” from Blitzen Trapper’s “Furr“. Reminiscent of John Lennon’s hair raising screams from “Mother” (Plastic Ono Band, 1970), I couldn’t focus on anything but what was seemingly destroying these speakers in Grimey’s. “Love U” ended and the next track,”War on Machines” followed. “War on Machines” is upbeat, filled with fuzzy T. Rex-influenced guitars and cleverly layered vocals on top of those noises and mechanical chotchkies that make us love Wilco.

Never in my life had I ever been so affected by two songs in a moment that lasted no more than six minutes. Once I found “Furr” in the store, I grabbed it, along with every other Blitzen Trapper record Grimey’s had. I had my treasure, an unforeseen bounty, but I couldn’t leave. I finished listening to “Furr” in the store, made my purchases, and immediately left (only to force this band upon my friends, as stated above).

We’ll be at Grimey’s on Saturday picking up some new records and giving away iPhone 4 cases made from real vinyl records. Come say hi if you’re out, but if you can’t make it, you can still sign up to win one here.

Have you signed up yet?  What’s your favorite Record Store memory?

Whether it was a cassingle, an LP, an MP3 or a pre-recorded reel-to-reel, every one has a “gateway record” … one cut – or an album’s worth – that profoundly shifted the way that music fit into their lives.  Rush’s Moving Pictures was mine.  And “Witch Hunt” was the cut.

It wasn’t just the message; though a song dealing with the mob mentality with obvious references to race riots and book burnings certainly makes an impression on a 13-year-old.  And it wasn’t just the fact that it was Rush, a band that every self-respecting teenager from 1975 on knew (or at least claimed to know).

Witch Hunt knocked something loose inside me.  And I now know, after 30 years of looking, right where it happened.

Right at the measures leading up to and including the lyric “…confident their ways are best/Oh, oh.”  at about 2:15 in the song itself.  

As a build-up to the first chorus, Neil Peart does a little tom fill/cymbal crash/tambourine hit at end of two dozen or so measures of spare cowbell and floor tom figures.  It’s the chord progression that does it.  Gm – Bb – Dm – C.  The D minor (“the saddest of all keys”) pulls you upward before dropping you over the cliff as the phrase resolves into this sprawling massive C anchored by bass and Lifeson’s Taurus pedals.  Geddy Lee’s wailing “Oh” gets a little echo as it fades.  Maybe a little help from the YouTubes…

I heard it the first time and I knew I was listening to something that would become profoundly important to me.  It was like peering over a ledge at a massive valley below and realizing that everything that had come before was getting me ready for that precise musical moment in time.

I’ve had life-altering musical moments since then. But none that I can recall with the complete visceral response that I get to hearing “Witch Hunt.”

What about you?  What one record or song flipped a switch for you?  Leave us a comment.  Then make sure you sign up for the contest.  You could win one of 45 super-limited edition iPhone cases made from real vinyl records.

“There’s murder by the roadside / In a sore afraid new world.” Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome was in heavy rotation on HBO, so my imagination was primed for this type of post-apocalyptic nonsense. I listened to the A-side again and again, mouthing the lyrics and plotting my routine for “Puttin’ On The Hits”. Later, I’d get my own copies of their LPs, but “Wild Boys” will always be the first.

What was your first gateway record?

Our best-selling case for the new iPad

I’ve been using the red one since my new iPad arrived and it’s quickly become one of my favorite cases for a couple of reasons.  [Warning:  Self-serving product review follows.]

1) The hard shell – This is a company-issued iPad after all, and I want to keep it in good shape.  The polycarbonate shell covers the back of the iPad and, more importantly, guards the edges from dings and drops.  It’s not as rugged a case as our Survivor for iPad, but it’s not supposed to be.  And while I don’t, in any way, condone this kind of use, my iPad has survived a couple of slip & falls from the top of the tool chest that serves as my desk drawers.  As always, you mileage may vary, and my case’s past performance doesn’t guarantee your future results.

2) The fold-away cover – I like to read while I eat.  The fold-away cover rolls open and tucks into a slot molded into the shell.  As a result, I can continue to slog through A Storm of Swords while I eat my Cheerios in the morning.  Doesn’t make me very good breakfast company, though.

3) Material, fit & finish – We’ve used a matte textured polyurethane with a sort of twill pattern on the cover itself, while the shell is finished out with a bead-blasted texture.  The result is an understated look which, when combined with the red color, makes for a really nice combination.  Form-fitting shells present a lot of design challenges – and our design folks really nailed this one.    Our IntelliCase fits like a glove … snaps on and feels like it is of one piece with my iPad.  The cover folds shut and pops gently into place thanks to the magnets used to activate the iPad’s Sleep/Wake feature.

^Michael and I write about our products all day long, and we always wish we had more time to live with a new product before we have to produce packaging, web content and all the other pieces we’re responsible for.  Having lived with the IntelliCase for almost three weeks now, I’m happy to recommend it for anyone looking for an everyday case that’s more than a shell, but less than the armor-plated awesome that is our Survivor case.

So have you picked up your IntelliCase yet?

Hope you took lots of pictures. Pick the ones you like best, and, about each one, ask yourself one important question: What is it about this picture that you like?

Notice that we aren’t asking “Why do you like this picture?” Because we’re interested in whats, not whys. We’re interested in specific things you can point to and say, “I like this picture because of….” In art school lingo, asking this question (and demanding a concrete answer) is called “critiquing.”

Taking lots of pictures without critiquing will get you lots of pictures, but it won’t get you any closer to taking better pictures. So, Items No. 1 and 2 in the iPhone Photographer’s Checklist are:

1. Take lots of photos.

2. Critique your photos.

When you can identify the things you like about your photos, you can then look at the ones you don’t like and ask yourself, “If this photo had the thing I like about this other photo, would I like it better?”

That’s the power of critiquing. You come to think of your camera in a different way: you think of what you can do with it, instead of what it does.

But we promised a checklist of things you can do with your iPhone to make your pictures better. So, here’s No. 3:

3. Turn off your flash.

No, really. You can always turn it back on again if you need it. But you’ll need it far less than you might expect. Except for comic effect, no picture has ever been improved by flashing a bright light at it from right next to the lens.

Well, okay, there may be a few exceptions to that statement. If there’s just plain not enough light, a blown-out picture with flat black shadows around everything might be better than nothing. Or if you’re taking a picture of a flat surface, your flash might wash out the detail, but at least it won’t leave harsh shadows.

If you must supply some light, consider supplying it in some other form: carry an LED flashlight for night shots, and, instead of shining the light directly on the subject, try bouncing the light off a nearby light-colored surface.

Most of the time, your iPhone’s computer is pretty good at compensating automatically. In low light, it will use more of the light that gets into the lens, and it will leave the shutter open longer. Which is why low-light pictures get blurry: you’re capturing the motion. Which can sometimes be a good thing. Or at least an interesting thing.

So, slide the flash button open at the top of your camera app and set it to Off, and give your iPhone a chance to make some magic. And come back here for Checklist Item No. 4.

Tune in and watch the Livestream.

Listen live on Lightning 100, Nashville’s independent radio

We want anyone who went to SXSW to have one of these cases. Here’s how to get yours, free (as in free case, free shipping materials, free shipping. Free everything.)

It’s a multi-step process, though, so pay attention.

1) Post a pic of you and your SXSW badge in the Comments section below.  Tell us what your favorite talk was.  Or the best band you saw.  Or if you got to ride in the Darth Vader pedicab.  Make sure you’re logged in so we can get back in touch with further instructions.

2) Check your email. You’ll receive a special code that’s linked to a pre-filled cart in our store. Supply us with a shipping address. Hit “Send.”

3) Wait patiently.

4) Receive your case in the mail. Smile. 

And that’s it.  And in the scheme of things, it’s really not that much work to get hooked up.  Punched from a real vinyl record pressed in Nashville by United Record Pressing, this is a limted-run case, so get to it. We’ve got a limited supply and when they’re gone, they’re gone.